I started this journal during my time in Primary treatment. This is going to be the best way to see where my brain is/was/wants to be. There is nothing but raw truth in these words. I had no filter, and I continue to have no filter. I like to think it's my best attribute. OK, here goes.
I really don't know what's going on inside my head. My brain is going a million miles an hour in a million different directions. I cannot keep a coherent thought long enough to get it down on paper without putting forth an enormous amount of effort. My fingertips on my right hand are all numb. I don't know what's up with that. It's freaking me out. I haven't talked to any female since about the first week here. That's really messing with me too. I went to a conference on getting my record expunged today with some of the guys from here and saw my old psychologist. I sat next to him and talked for a while until a group of pregnant females and new moms came in and sat in front of us. My attention was immediately drawn to them and trying to get them to notice and/or talk to me. I'm guessing my standards have been compromised due to my lack of interaction with females while I'm in treatment. I'm going to try to stay out of a relationship for the first year of my sobriety. (lol) I feel alienated from a good portion of the male clients. Its as much their fault as it is mine. I have issues with making friends with men for some reason. This codependency shit is driving me fucking crazy. It would defeat the purpose for me to ask for help from someone else.
As you can see, my thoughts were all over the place that day. This will be a recurring theme of most of these journal entries.
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